2005-10-23 - 11:08 p.m.
To say that I am disappointed in the way my family is carrying on lately would be a gross understatement. I alternate between anger, frustration and sadness. I will explain their shortcomings in three categories.
FINANCIALLY
At the time of my Mom's death, she was receiving full SSI benefits. She could not keep a regular job because of her asthma. She received benefits for herself and the two youngest children, ages 8 and 15. When she passed those funds were still available for them, but since they are minors they needed a representative payee. Since I as the eldest was in charge of everything, I was the first choice to be the payee. However my Uncle immediately volunteered himself for this duty(before my Mom was even in the ground!!!) I had doubts about this since he is not the most fiscally responsible individual. He has a gambling problem, so bad that his car was reposessed in June. He stole $$ from my Mom when she was alive. He ran up credit cards in my Grandma's name when she was dying from cancer.But he claimed he would not misuse any of the funds. Of course that's exactly what happened. Keep in mind that my Uncle did not take in my youngest sisters. 'M', the 8 year old, stays with her father. N, the 16 year old, stays with our Aunt & her hubby. My sisters each receive a check for $755. Well my Uncle gave $200 to the youngest childs father for the months of October & September. The rest of the funds, $1300, mysteriously disappeared. He has also been siphoning off part of N's check. He claimed he was going to give the missing amount to my 18 year old sister(which he didn't do). So this week I went to the SSA and got it all changed. I am just so angry that my mom's twin brother would take advantage of his own nieces like that. I haven't had it out with him or anything like that but I really don't have much to say to thim.
RESPECT
So the financial stuff leads me to the next issue: folks in my family have no respect for their elders and don't care about doing what is right. Let me explain:
As stated earlier, my 16 year old sister stays with my Aunt D. My Aunt has been married for 14 years. She is a nurse; her hubby is a mental health counselor. They have 4 kids, a nice house in the suburbs-basically the American dream. My Uncle is also a Pastor. My Aunt and Uncle are generally very upstanding, moral people. Their children and obedient and well-behaved. Now after my Mom passed we all had to figure out where N would stay. Her own Dad lives in Nevada and hasn't really been around, so she didn't want to go with him. I asked her point blank: Who would you like to stay with? She stated that the ONLY home she'd want to live in is mine OR Aunt D's. Since Aunt D is much more financially stable and has a daughter close to N's age, N and I decided that she could stay with Aunt D. This was no problem as my Aunt had already stepped up and volunteered to take the two youngest in(my 18 yo also lived with my Mom but she is too much trouble for most to deal with. But more on that later). So at the end of August N moves in. She has not complained or expressed any problems with living there. All of a sudden she wants to go live with a cousin. I know the real reason. My sister wants to stay out late and do what she wants to do. She cannot do that with our Aunt and Uncle. I know that three of my female cousins are behind this. They have been harassing my Aunt, sending her vitriolic emails accusing her of stealing N's social security money (which is ridiculous because 1)she is not the payee so has no access to the funds 2)our uncle actually is stealing it). N is spending alot of free time with these cousins & with my 18 yo sister as well. My 18 yo sister also cussed my Aunt out and told her to go to hell. I can't believe that we have the same mother at times. I would never in my wildest dreams imagine disrespecting my family elders the way my sister and cousins are every damned day. I know my Mom would not be pleased with how my sisters are behaving. Furthermore, my cousins are much older and should know better. They are disrespecting my Aunt, leading my sisters down a dead end path(giving them drugs and alcohol, encouraging them to disrespect others) and doing this all in the name of my Mom! I am so livid with them. As of this week I have written everyone in my family off, with the exception of my Aunt D, her hubby and kids, and my sisters. even my oldest Aunt who is 62 isn't saying anything about what's going on and defends her kids(my cousins) actions. I don't hate them and if they call I will speak to them. But I will not hang out with them & make them think I accept what they are doing. In terms of my sisters-I will continue to do what is right and tell them the truth. They can get mad(as my 18 yo sister did yesterday, hanging up the phone when I yelled at her for letting N get drunk at a party that was supposedly in my Mom's honor!). They don't have to like me, but I really don't care. Everyone else around them just wants to be their friend and let them do what they want. I understand they miss Mom, but running the streets, getting drunk and high & ruining their lives will not bring our Mom back or take the pain away. I think about my Mom every single day. There are times when I miss her so much that all I can do is scream and cry for hours on end. But I don't deny my pain. I feel it and accept it. My teen sisters don't. They try to cover it up and self-medicate, which will only make it worse in the long run.
