2005-10-20 - 8:52 p.m.
Today is a hard day. My Mom would have been 47 today if she was alive. I miss her so much. So often I think of what we'd be doing if she were still here. I see her playing with Zora, I see myself talking with her on the phone about Zora and my sisters. But I know that these images are in my head; they never took place and never will. I still feel like I haven't been allowed to grieve for her properly. There has just been so much other "stuff" to deal with-the funeral, my younger sisters, mailing cards, my Mom's finances, my own family stuff...this week I had to get my Mom's social security benefits signed over to me because the individual receiving them has been using the funds for their own purposes and not the care of my baby sister(which is what the $$ is for anyways). As I talked to the social security office and filled out the forms I just kept thinking:"If Mom was alive none of this would be happening. It wouldn't be necessary". I'm also upset because my family is disintegrating over petty beefs. My Grandma and Mom would not agree with what is going on and would be extremely disappointed.
