2005-08-18 - 9:29 a.m.
I am beginning to get scared that I am slipping into a dark place mentally. I feel a deep seated restlessness and unhappiness with life right now. I think my grief for my Mom plays a big part of it but isn't the only factor. I stay up late nearly every night. I don't really care if I eat. I still tell myself that my Mom isn't really dead. There's always something to make me think of her and feel her absence and I can't stand that. The only thing that makes me smile and enjoy life is Zora, who I thank God for daily. I love my husband and appreciate all he has done, but I feel no desire towards him right now. My future, which just a few months ago seemed so clear and concise, seems hazy now. I don't know. Maybe this is all just a pahse related to my Mom's death and will go away eventually. I really hope it does.
