2005-07-27 - 9:04 p.m.
"If you looked in my life, would you see what I see?"-'My Life' by Mary J
I'm sitting here bumping this CD at full volume. Since age 16 I've listened to 'My Life' whenever I feel melancholy or depressed. I'm really feeling "Sunshine" and "If I Was A Bird" by Floetry. It may sound crazy but I want my music to match my mood. I want to feel and deal with all of my pain. It may soind so cliched, but I keep asking myself when I'm going to wake up and find that this isn't real. In the words of Jay-Z"This can't be life.....this can't be love...this can't be right; gotta be wrong, can't be us".
For the most part I've accepted but I still can't fathom the fact that my Mama is going to die and its going to happen anytime. I think my sis Domonique finally got it today. She damn near collapsed at the hospital and I had to restrain her from falling out on the floor. I feel for her because I know her pain will be the worst. For the past few years she caused our Mom alot of unnecessary stress and disappointment. She never apologized. Now she has to live with the guilt of what she did to Mama for the rest of her life. I don't envy her. The rest of us can all say that we were good daughters. I told my sis time and time again to respect her, that our Mom was all she had but she wouldn't listen. Now she has learned the hard way. I will never say 'I told you so'. I just hope she learns and changes her ways.
