2004-12-23 - 8:23 p.m.
Well Christmas is two days away and I am not feeling quite festive. It will be Zora's first Christmas and I can't even get her a present or buy a camera to take pictures. I know that money isn't everything in life but the financial goings of late have me really frustrated. What irks me the most is that its not like I've been spending frivously. At the beginning of the summer I had more than enough to cover Zora's expenses and mine. But between paying hospital bills, regular bills, rent at two residences, the savings has dwindled to practically nothing. To make things better personal checks that people write have been bouncing, and you know what that means-overdraft fees. My cell has been off since October. Because of all the money I've had to spend on getting my accounts back in the back and rent, I can't pay it and its about to permanently disconnected. I am ready to just start working again(part or full time) but my mate feels I should just focus on Zora and school. Now that was the plan & in an ideal world that would work. But in the real world I've got to think about Zora having diapers,formula,new clothes, food, etc. And I'm not going to rely on my Mom or anyone else. I am not happy with this current situation and I am not used to it. I keep reminding myself that it could be alot worse, that it has been worse, but it doesn't help. Knowing that Zora is happy,well-taken care of and has no idea what's going on is a relief though. But I feel like I am getting close to snapping.
