2004-05-21 - 10:37 p.m.
I started thinking of my late Grandma today, and all of a sudden I started missing her again. I cried and 'talked' to her, something I hadn't done since her funeral. Life just feels so different, so cold without her. I remember when I heard the news that she'd died. It felt like a connection had been broken.I've dealt with my grief by telling myself that it was better for God to take her, that she was suffering so much & that she's at rest now. I can't help but wish she were here though! No matter what was going on, no matter what happened, she was always there with a smile & encouraging word. Its not that I didn't appreciate her because I did. I just wish I could see her one more time, the way she was before she got sick. I wish I could sit on her couch while we watched her favorite shows together-'Matlock', 'Walker, Texas Ranger',and 'Law & Order'. Or maybe a movie on Lifetime. I wish I could hear her voice- a high soprano tone with a distinctive Mississippi twang. If she were here I'd know that everything would be OK...her faith in God was unwavering, and if you were around her, you'd be affected by it. Hopefully it doesn't rain tomorrow. Maybe I can go visit her grave again. I haven't had a chance to be there alone and I feel like I need to.
