2004-02-24 - 9:33 p.m.
I'm sitting here typing this, feeling the new life inside me kick and flail.....and mourning the life of the one who meant the most to me. This morning the inevitable happened; my beloved Grandma,matriarch of my family, gave up her struggle & went to be with the Lord. I am quite sad...I saw it coming,but its still hard to adjust to the fact that she is gone. Just last night I visited with her. I can still see her laying in her bed, propped up, oxygen mask in place and huge glasses on her eyes......that is my last picture of her. I stayed with her for about an hour. She was too out of from the morphine in her system to speak. When I left I hugged her, kissed her on her forehead & told her I loved her. I'm glad I got that chance. And my family....bless their hearts. They didn't want me to know until I got home from work (didn't want me to get upset) so they didn't tell me initially. My uncle called me this morning at 8,but my ohone was off since I was in a staff meeting. When I called him back he said nothing was going on. I had a feeling that something wasn't right, especially when I called my own house & that of other relatives,only to get no answer. Finally I took lunch at noon & called a cousin. Her fiancee answered and told me that she'd sprinted out of their home in tears this morning & he hadn't talked to her since. That was all the confirmation I needed.I called my uncle on his cell & asked him point blank; he passed the phone to my mom. She started crying & told me it was true; they didn't want to me know immediately for fear I'd get too upset and go into labor. So far that fear has been unfounded....but then again I haven't seen my Grandma's body. I've been up & down through the day....sometimes I am myself and sometimes I just CRY.....like now.....I can hear her voice in my head..I've got to finish this now; I can't continue.
