2004-02-22 - 7:15 p.m.
This weekend was very quiet & low key. I had a very busy day at work yesterday, but that was actually a good thing because it made the time go by quicker. I went to visit my Grandma as soon as I got off, and went directly to her place after church today as well. She knows that she is going soon. Yesterday, she kept saying "I'm welcome; I know I'm welcome there....". Most of us just thought she was talking nonsense. But today my uncle(and pastor) came to see her and minister to her-see if she had any spiritual issues to resolve. She said no, she was clear & ready to meet the Lord, and that's why she kept saying that she was "welcome" yesterday. She meant that she knows she is welcome in heaven with the Lord. Hearing her say that made me smile through my tears. I know that I won't have to worry about her eternal destination. I truly hope that I have as much confidence when death is at my door.
Its such a sad time though...the impending death of a loved one casts such a pallor on life. We dismissed morning worship a little early today(most of my church's members are family) so we could spend time with Grandma. My cousins took it pretty hard, seeing her like that. I told myself I wouldn't cry in my Grandma's presence, but I just couldn't help it this time. Everyone there was crying. I don't think my Grandma really noticed though; she still has morphine in her system, so that affects her consciousness. Alot of people came to visit her today. Come to think of it, I think every family member(well those who live in Washington at least) and friend has come by to spend some time with her.
Cancer is so....ick!!!! It can move SO QUICKLY! I mean at the beginning of my pregnancy my Grandma was fine. In the fall I'd go over there, and she'd always cook me things to satisfy cravings. Collard greens, potato salad, yams....she was going to make me some dumplings around Thanksgiving, but I could never find the meat she needed for them. Little did I know that would be the last opportunity she'd have to do that. I believe she received news that she had 4-6 months left as early as December or November 2003. She didn't start to look sick again till late Dec/early Jan. And the past month has just been crazy....she has never been this sick from the cancer, not even when she was initially diagnosed back in 2002. Now she can't walk, can't breathe without her oxygen tank....she really isn't living anymore. I know that we have no control over how we go, but I hope I never get any form of cance, and I hope I never have to see another loved one struggle with it.
